My Serious Awkward Weakness..

Lonely Soldier Boy - Hujan

one.. two.. three and you are out.. sorry. Please try again. That's harsh reality for a young adult like me. To deal with lots of uncertainties, eager and pleasure and at the same time fighting myself back to that sweet calming attitude, repaying the necessary pray and dua towards Him. Yet I'm still in sins and doing it. Am I struggle to be a Mukmin? YES!

the way my aching heart, my blurred minds and my desire to extinguish is to let the wrong to be done. It's stupid, yes i know. Why you still doing it? It has been an addiction. To strive for not doing it is like to reject when someone showing you a candy. A nice wrapping lollipop. Truth, i seriously have an issue with it since when 'it' has been done.. i need to go to shower.  Repent back. The cycles continue.

Nouman Ali Khan also saids that we are living in a world where there are too much exposure, too much freedom in entertainment such that wearing minimal clothes is acceptable. The ones who are doing sins and had to lower gaze is us men. The addiction itself is so devastated, some of them trying hard to ask their elders and syeikh about it. Even me. May He forgive me as i type down all my weakness and my sins.

I didn't want to talk specifically what is it but enough to say that it is filth. TOTALLY FILTH. For the guys, they laugh and joke about it. They said everyone does it. It's normal. You would be okay when you start married. Nope, this isn't a joke. Although they see it as a small matter, for me it is quite serious. I mean you living in a world where sexy clothes worn by others everyday, television and internet kept delivering almost nudity and harsh word, girls are being objectify and didn't have respect. Don't make me start on feminism where they want to be as same level as men at anything.

the cycle ends when you already done it, you start finding Him again, trying hardly to do good things. Ya Allah, it's kept haunting me. Solah has been neglected when you aren't really clean ( you need to do obligatory bath, which needed to be clean and water must be spread equally in  all area ). The heart started to say that, okay.. this is a reset button. After this, no more. But then again the urges peaked after 3-4 days.

I hope that the tips needed to prevent it should be done.. keep hoping and pray. Doa and spend much time in masjid. Read Al-Quran and now i have someone to accompany me at home. So i won't be alone. I already share much hear. Pray for me guys. I am weak. I am His weak slave. Doa. Pray.


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